oh man, what an adventure. i can feel the vibe of JOURNEY flowing through me....
tonight or tomorrow i will write down from
monday (the day of, HOLY CRAP i'm really going & how in the crap do you pack for 5 months?)
tuesday (its my 20th birthday!! and wow! i am leaving TOMORROW!) and finally
wednesday(the day of departure and arrival)
today is thursday, barely...its 5:53am. i am writing to beauty and the beast music, which seems fitting. :)
we will be going to lauras, my ___ cousin. (not sure what goes in the blank) she leaves on a ranch in bronson, about 2 hours from orlando. i am excited to see what kinda of fun we will have. maybe i will be able to name a goat and cross that off my random to do list. WHO KNOWS!? but isnt that the fun of it?
well good to be here! its about that time to get going. i am sooo excited to record this time. i look back with regret on all the times in my life i wish i would have written down my experiances, i dont want this to be one of them.
so here is to the beginning of change and self discovery. of adventure, journey and experiance. of living... and making sure its enough! :)
here is to the magical in life!
sonya.
ps minus 6 days to reporting to Disney!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
what a day
i should be doing my homework that i should have been doing early today.
but instead i am sitting here writing.
is that bad?
as usual i am pulsing to the beat of the music. sometimes when i am writing and listening to music i can just shut out the rest of the world and just focus. i can almost feel the music go through me.
right now... "one step at a time is on...""we live and learn to take one step at a time, there is no need to rush.... we find the reasons why one step at a time."
i taught with the elders today again. to a girl names bekka. it was so good to be taught along with her. i love the first dicussion. i love the account of the first vision joseph smith gives. i am amazed by it, by his faith and courage and example. i love that the Lord call him by name. wow.
i also moved around pretty much all the furniture around in my room. i like it much better. it is almost clean. so excited!
the last post i said when it rains it pours. oh how it does. like i said, the stalker man that decided to call and express his heartfelt apology for being a jerk, the 27 year old bad boy that of course naturally you cant help but want cuz he represents all the times you've had the incling to rebel, there is the self made struggle to let go of the last bit of wayne, there is the one whose professed so so strongly to be just friends, but in a very awkward untimely and blunt way let me know friends is not all he can and does see me as.
a part of me really wants to just swear off all men.
i love reading "eat pray love" its just so good. you should go read it and let me know what you think...
so cleaning my room today i realized that:
-i have soo many books and no where to put them. the saddest part is at least half i have never read or finished.
-i have a lot alot of shoes, which i think it ironic because i wear flip flops almost always.
-i would much rather have a clean open room than a dirty stuffy one.
-i felt so accomplished by cleaning today. i enjoyed making my space look better.
i have so much going in my head and have been for the last couple days.
but its late and i need to do hw and sleep. i may sleep than do hw.
have a goodnight.
sonya.
but instead i am sitting here writing.
is that bad?
as usual i am pulsing to the beat of the music. sometimes when i am writing and listening to music i can just shut out the rest of the world and just focus. i can almost feel the music go through me.
right now... "one step at a time is on...""we live and learn to take one step at a time, there is no need to rush.... we find the reasons why one step at a time."
i taught with the elders today again. to a girl names bekka. it was so good to be taught along with her. i love the first dicussion. i love the account of the first vision joseph smith gives. i am amazed by it, by his faith and courage and example. i love that the Lord call him by name. wow.
i also moved around pretty much all the furniture around in my room. i like it much better. it is almost clean. so excited!
the last post i said when it rains it pours. oh how it does. like i said, the stalker man that decided to call and express his heartfelt apology for being a jerk, the 27 year old bad boy that of course naturally you cant help but want cuz he represents all the times you've had the incling to rebel, there is the self made struggle to let go of the last bit of wayne, there is the one whose professed so so strongly to be just friends, but in a very awkward untimely and blunt way let me know friends is not all he can and does see me as.
a part of me really wants to just swear off all men.
i love reading "eat pray love" its just so good. you should go read it and let me know what you think...
so cleaning my room today i realized that:
-i have soo many books and no where to put them. the saddest part is at least half i have never read or finished.
-i have a lot alot of shoes, which i think it ironic because i wear flip flops almost always.
-i would much rather have a clean open room than a dirty stuffy one.
-i felt so accomplished by cleaning today. i enjoyed making my space look better.
i have so much going in my head and have been for the last couple days.
but its late and i need to do hw and sleep. i may sleep than do hw.
have a goodnight.
sonya.
Monday, June 29, 2009
okay... i know its been forever
not sure why i have waited sooo long to write. but lets see...
lots has happened since feb when i last posted.
jordon flew out the window and disney entered. i literally ran into disney. i want to go into more detail with all that soon. but lets put it this way... i leave aug 12 to orlando flordia for a week of fun and my cousins wedding, and than AUG 19 i report to walt disney world! i will be working in attractions, helping people in and out of rides. and telling them to keep their hands in the ride at all times or they just might leave the happiest place on earth with out them. i am so excited to be going. its a lot of unknown but i am excited for it. i havent been this confident about a big decision like this in a very very long time. i keep asking who i know over there, i dont know anyone, but like elizabeth gilbert said, "but i will..."
lets see, i am being lazy about it, but i am trying to publish a childrens story book... CRAZY!
remember how i said a few months back that when it rains it pours with guys... ya that hasn't changed. haha. oh boy do i have some stories, between borderline stalker, finding the 1 in a million guys who are waiting for a sister missionary, the strickly just friends man, the 27 opinionated man, and the ex... i mean WAH
maybe it really is just time to move on!! haha
i still have a deep love for wayne, for the person he is and what he has taught me. for the heartbreak, the frustration, the amazing bliss and joy we had together, the simple inside jokes, the roller coaster of it all. (side note i am re reading "eat pray love" again. i absolutely LOVE this book. it seems to word my feelings and expresses my feelings. make me feel a lot less crazy. )
i realize that "we were (and at times still want to be and are) committed to solving this this. Because how could two people who were so in love not end up happily ever after? it had to work. didn't it?" i have learned so much for all of this. and i am still realizing all kinds of lessons.
as badly as i want someone next to me, to hold me, to listen to my complaints, to have inside jokes and fun times, and to share things with, i know "this is not my moment to be seeking romance, and (as day follows night) to complicate my already knotty life. this is my moment to look for the kind of healing and peace that can only come from solitude."
i know its time to just learn to be happy on my own. to strengthen my relationship with Christ.
"so now i have started living my own life. imperfect and clumsy as it may look, it is resembling me now..." i am learning to love me, do things i want to do, not because i am selfish but because its taking care of me. i feel like i am molding into this new person and quite frankly i am excited about it...
so when i applied for disney, i said, "if i get this internship i am going to go on a mission." when i got the internship i was like uh o! but the last week i have received so many comments about being a missionary and going. i hope it happens. " i want to set the world on fire, until its burning bright for You." i am listening to brit nicole! really like her music.
i dont know what it is, but today i feel happy. and i like it. :)
i have a lot i want to become and a lot i want to do. i hope i live up to my eternal potential.
well, i better get going.
ciao
sonya.
<3
lots has happened since feb when i last posted.
jordon flew out the window and disney entered. i literally ran into disney. i want to go into more detail with all that soon. but lets put it this way... i leave aug 12 to orlando flordia for a week of fun and my cousins wedding, and than AUG 19 i report to walt disney world! i will be working in attractions, helping people in and out of rides. and telling them to keep their hands in the ride at all times or they just might leave the happiest place on earth with out them. i am so excited to be going. its a lot of unknown but i am excited for it. i havent been this confident about a big decision like this in a very very long time. i keep asking who i know over there, i dont know anyone, but like elizabeth gilbert said, "but i will..."
lets see, i am being lazy about it, but i am trying to publish a childrens story book... CRAZY!
remember how i said a few months back that when it rains it pours with guys... ya that hasn't changed. haha. oh boy do i have some stories, between borderline stalker, finding the 1 in a million guys who are waiting for a sister missionary, the strickly just friends man, the 27 opinionated man, and the ex... i mean WAH
maybe it really is just time to move on!! haha
i still have a deep love for wayne, for the person he is and what he has taught me. for the heartbreak, the frustration, the amazing bliss and joy we had together, the simple inside jokes, the roller coaster of it all. (side note i am re reading "eat pray love" again. i absolutely LOVE this book. it seems to word my feelings and expresses my feelings. make me feel a lot less crazy. )
i realize that "we were (and at times still want to be and are) committed to solving this this. Because how could two people who were so in love not end up happily ever after? it had to work. didn't it?" i have learned so much for all of this. and i am still realizing all kinds of lessons.
as badly as i want someone next to me, to hold me, to listen to my complaints, to have inside jokes and fun times, and to share things with, i know "this is not my moment to be seeking romance, and (as day follows night) to complicate my already knotty life. this is my moment to look for the kind of healing and peace that can only come from solitude."
i know its time to just learn to be happy on my own. to strengthen my relationship with Christ.
"so now i have started living my own life. imperfect and clumsy as it may look, it is resembling me now..." i am learning to love me, do things i want to do, not because i am selfish but because its taking care of me. i feel like i am molding into this new person and quite frankly i am excited about it...
so when i applied for disney, i said, "if i get this internship i am going to go on a mission." when i got the internship i was like uh o! but the last week i have received so many comments about being a missionary and going. i hope it happens. " i want to set the world on fire, until its burning bright for You." i am listening to brit nicole! really like her music.
i dont know what it is, but today i feel happy. and i like it. :)
i have a lot i want to become and a lot i want to do. i hope i live up to my eternal potential.
well, i better get going.
ciao
sonya.
<3
Thursday, February 19, 2009
to wait. to trust. to actually believe.
ahh man, life life life. what are we going to do??? i guess just live it up...
i am pretty much done trying to plan out my life according to what i want to do, when i want to do it. one day i am thinking about going to jordan, the next thinking about trying for an internship. one day my heart belongs to and needs someone to function, the next it realizes it needs to strive to just survive and be okay on its own. everyday i seem to be learning or realizing things which i need right now in life. here are some:
~ i am happier as i accept i have many flaws and that thats okay.
we so often want to, strive to, are expected to be [perfect]. than when we slip up, we feel extremely imperfect and worthless. as i accept that flaws are okay, i can work on fixing them and in time and with help from my Savior, i will be perfected.
~when i give up control, my life feels more in control.
i always want to be in control. i want this to work out and be right. if they dont turn out that way, there is no one to blame but myself. but when i take the control of my life, it spins into chaos. when i let go, and give the control to one much more capable, things fall into place. i smile more. my steps are a little lighter.
~smile long enough when you don't wanna, and soon enough you will wanna. :)
work has taught me that one.
~there is a huge difference between believing IN Christ and BELIEVING Christ.
i believe in Christ. in his teachings, his ways, his love. but do i really believe him? if i did would i mistrust his promptings, would i commit so many trangressions, or would i be more willing to do what he asks, more apt to follow his teachings and promptings right away instead of at my own pace? if i really truly deeply believed him, i would trust him more, obey him more, and love him more.
~to wait and trust is hard.
i knew this already, but this has been relearned everyday lately.
i am pretty much done trying to plan out my life according to what i want to do, when i want to do it. one day i am thinking about going to jordan, the next thinking about trying for an internship. one day my heart belongs to and needs someone to function, the next it realizes it needs to strive to just survive and be okay on its own. everyday i seem to be learning or realizing things which i need right now in life. here are some:
~ i am happier as i accept i have many flaws and that thats okay.
we so often want to, strive to, are expected to be [perfect]. than when we slip up, we feel extremely imperfect and worthless. as i accept that flaws are okay, i can work on fixing them and in time and with help from my Savior, i will be perfected.
~when i give up control, my life feels more in control.
i always want to be in control. i want this to work out and be right. if they dont turn out that way, there is no one to blame but myself. but when i take the control of my life, it spins into chaos. when i let go, and give the control to one much more capable, things fall into place. i smile more. my steps are a little lighter.
~smile long enough when you don't wanna, and soon enough you will wanna. :)
work has taught me that one.
~there is a huge difference between believing IN Christ and BELIEVING Christ.
i believe in Christ. in his teachings, his ways, his love. but do i really believe him? if i did would i mistrust his promptings, would i commit so many trangressions, or would i be more willing to do what he asks, more apt to follow his teachings and promptings right away instead of at my own pace? if i really truly deeply believed him, i would trust him more, obey him more, and love him more.
~to wait and trust is hard.
i knew this already, but this has been relearned everyday lately.
class time.
ciao
<3
ciao
<3
Friday, February 6, 2009
chillaxen- and other phrases of sonya
i was talking with a "fellow assosicate" at work today. and while talking i reazlied that i have a lot of repeatative phrases such as--
sick!-- meanin1g: yes! awesome! the oldest phrase that died out a long time ago but its my own personal mission to bring it back...
shut it!-- reaction to my mistake or stupidity. shut it! (with a smile) meaning dont say anything, no comment please
chicka BOOM!-- said when punching (or kicking) random things at work
true story/ tis true- agreed.
sad day- dang it, so sad
more to come. cant think.
ciao
sick!-- meanin1g: yes! awesome! the oldest phrase that died out a long time ago but its my own personal mission to bring it back...
shut it!-- reaction to my mistake or stupidity. shut it! (with a smile) meaning dont say anything, no comment please
chicka BOOM!-- said when punching (or kicking) random things at work
true story/ tis true- agreed.
sad day- dang it, so sad
more to come. cant think.
ciao
Thursday, February 5, 2009
.busy.busy.busy.
wow, i've never had a real real job where i had certain hours i was expected to come in, clock in and go to work. than go to lunch at a scheduled time. than go back to work and than clock out at another certain time. not to mention dress codes and random rules. but i guess here is to first's! i am also going to school full time. crazzzzyness.
i am trying to figure out what i really want to do with my life. i feel like those pictures where some one is standing still where everything around them zoomed and becomes blurry. i know i need to start moving too but just not sure how or which direction.
im not going to lie, my heart is still very very attached to a certain wonderful somebody. he knows it. i know it. its not a big secret. i cherish every text, phone call, and hug i get from him still. i find myself taking mental pictures of the moments where i find we are both laughing and reality has seemed to fly out the window for a bit. we both breathe together and just enjoy the moment we are sharing. the goodness that can be between us is such a beautiful thing. but i cringe when the cold and bitter sting of reality returns. when the light at the end of the tunnel dims and the happiness flees. there are moments i think if i had to, i could do it without him and that maybe, just maybe there really is someone who could make him and i happier, but i dont like that thought at all.... i try to see eternity with him, but we know if things dont change i feel its outta reach. ... i dont like that thought at all either... but im not at the point to let him go, or lose him again.
aside from that ^ decision and the absolutely amazing and addicting roller coaster it has always been....
i still wanna see the world. i still wanna get lost and experience being found. i want to meet my new friends around the world. i want my taste buds to find delicacies they've never dreamed of. i want my eyes to see viberate colors. i want to smell the most awful and the most wonderful smells there are to smell. i want to open my heart and realize i am in a place of complete awe and inspiration. i want to find the courage to be, live and trust. yet i catch myself sometimes wondering if i am looking too far when it may be right in my own backyard. not too sure yet... but while on this subject of going away...
what do you think about me going to study abroad to Amman Jordan?? i'd study arabic... salam!
haha. ps. money sucks. can i just throw that out there? i dont want money, to be the reason that i dont see the world. i dont want it to be the reason i dont go far. i dont and wont let it.
(oh my... my mind is going a million miles an hour.) have you ever sat yourself in a corner with just you and your laptop, stick some head phones in while listening to your favorite music?? its quite amazing. im still seeing whats around me, but the world outside my corner is muted. my head is hallow with music resonating back and forth, filling me with thoughts... ahh..
well... i have class in about 20 min. i've decided this blog is more my place to vent and ramble than to really update people about what i am doing.. anywho..
much love <3
i am trying to figure out what i really want to do with my life. i feel like those pictures where some one is standing still where everything around them zoomed and becomes blurry. i know i need to start moving too but just not sure how or which direction.
im not going to lie, my heart is still very very attached to a certain wonderful somebody. he knows it. i know it. its not a big secret. i cherish every text, phone call, and hug i get from him still. i find myself taking mental pictures of the moments where i find we are both laughing and reality has seemed to fly out the window for a bit. we both breathe together and just enjoy the moment we are sharing. the goodness that can be between us is such a beautiful thing. but i cringe when the cold and bitter sting of reality returns. when the light at the end of the tunnel dims and the happiness flees. there are moments i think if i had to, i could do it without him and that maybe, just maybe there really is someone who could make him and i happier, but i dont like that thought at all.... i try to see eternity with him, but we know if things dont change i feel its outta reach. ... i dont like that thought at all either... but im not at the point to let him go, or lose him again.
aside from that ^ decision and the absolutely amazing and addicting roller coaster it has always been....
i still wanna see the world. i still wanna get lost and experience being found. i want to meet my new friends around the world. i want my taste buds to find delicacies they've never dreamed of. i want my eyes to see viberate colors. i want to smell the most awful and the most wonderful smells there are to smell. i want to open my heart and realize i am in a place of complete awe and inspiration. i want to find the courage to be, live and trust. yet i catch myself sometimes wondering if i am looking too far when it may be right in my own backyard. not too sure yet... but while on this subject of going away...
what do you think about me going to study abroad to Amman Jordan?? i'd study arabic... salam!
haha. ps. money sucks. can i just throw that out there? i dont want money, to be the reason that i dont see the world. i dont want it to be the reason i dont go far. i dont and wont let it.
(oh my... my mind is going a million miles an hour.) have you ever sat yourself in a corner with just you and your laptop, stick some head phones in while listening to your favorite music?? its quite amazing. im still seeing whats around me, but the world outside my corner is muted. my head is hallow with music resonating back and forth, filling me with thoughts... ahh..
well... i have class in about 20 min. i've decided this blog is more my place to vent and ramble than to really update people about what i am doing.. anywho..
much love <3
Saturday, January 3, 2009
my frist brickfish entry
i am a member of this scholarship finder thing-a-ma-bober. it found this site where you put your pictures into an entry and if they get so many votes you can win money or cameras or what not, so i decided to post one.
HERE! is the first!
HERE! is the first!
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