okay... i know its been forever

not sure why i have waited sooo long to write. but lets see...

lots has happened since feb when i last posted.

jordon flew out the window and disney entered. i literally ran into disney. i want to go into more detail with all that soon. but lets put it this way... i leave aug 12 to orlando flordia for a week of fun and my cousins wedding, and than AUG 19 i report to walt disney world! i will be working in attractions, helping people in and out of rides. and telling them to keep their hands in the ride at all times or they just might leave the happiest place on earth with out them. i am so excited to be going. its a lot of unknown but i am excited for it. i havent been this confident about a big decision like this in a very very long time. i keep asking who i know over there, i dont know anyone, but like elizabeth gilbert said, "but i will..."

lets see, i am being lazy about it, but i am trying to publish a childrens story book... CRAZY!

remember how i said a few months back that when it rains it pours with guys... ya that hasn't changed. haha. oh boy do i have some stories, between borderline stalker, finding the 1 in a million guys who are waiting for a sister missionary, the strickly just friends man, the 27 opinionated man, and the ex... i mean WAH

maybe it really is just time to move on!! haha

i still have a deep love for wayne, for the person he is and what he has taught me. for the heartbreak, the frustration, the amazing bliss and joy we had together, the simple inside jokes, the roller coaster of it all. (side note i am re reading "eat pray love" again. i absolutely LOVE this book. it seems to word my feelings and expresses my feelings. make me feel a lot less crazy. )
i realize that "we were (and at times still want to be and are) committed to solving this this. Because how could two people who were so in love not end up happily ever after? it had to work. didn't it?" i have learned so much for all of this. and i am still realizing all kinds of lessons.

as badly as i want someone next to me, to hold me, to listen to my complaints, to have inside jokes and fun times, and to share things with, i know "this is not my moment to be seeking romance, and (as day follows night) to complicate my already knotty life. this is my moment to look for the kind of healing and peace that can only come from solitude."

i know its time to just learn to be happy on my own. to strengthen my relationship with Christ.

"so now i have started living my own life. imperfect and clumsy as it may look, it is resembling me now..." i am learning to love me, do things i want to do, not because i am selfish but because its taking care of me. i feel like i am molding into this new person and quite frankly i am excited about it...

so when i applied for disney, i said, "if i get this internship i am going to go on a mission." when i got the internship i was like uh o! but the last week i have received so many comments about being a missionary and going. i hope it happens. " i want to set the world on fire, until its burning bright for You." i am listening to brit nicole! really like her music.

i dont know what it is, but today i feel happy. and i like it. :)

i have a lot i want to become and a lot i want to do. i hope i live up to my eternal potential.

well, i better get going.

ciao

sonya.

<3